I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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