your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
