I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
