I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
