I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
