I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
