Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
