I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
