Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
