i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
