So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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