Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
