you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
