I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
my poor anus
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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