do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
