So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I love you. Go after that dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
