He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
