We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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