So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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