so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
