Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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