haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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