Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
