Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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