So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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