Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
