I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
