...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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