you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
