Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
