Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
