Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
