If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
