Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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