And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
