don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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