And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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