why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
