If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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