He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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