Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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