some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
