You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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