I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
