you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
