Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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