Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
