apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
