Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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