Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
