your room smells of hookers.
And success
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
