So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
