eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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