just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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