Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
