so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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