half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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