I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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