I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
