dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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