when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
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