I heard we made out
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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