I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
