He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
