It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you didnt know i had herpes?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
