mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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