Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
