I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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