If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
